hell is other parents
Posted on | March 22, 2007 23 Comments | e-mail | print
Took Owen to the library yesterday. No few than three children, in three separate incidents, came up to him and took toys right out of his hands. Their parents (when they could be discerned) merely watched. In one case the mother reached in to take a few more from in front of him. In one case I could not tell who the mother was, because there was a gaggle of Rich Bitch mothers complaining about who had the busiest schedule and the most community service projects and the most inept husband, and none could be bothered to remove her daughter, Kevlar, from being all up in Owen’s shit.
I pride myself on his good manners. He says please and thank you to employees, he shares with other children at the toy tables, he does not yell or hit. He picks up what he drops.
But it’s pretty fucking hard to teach him that sharing and good manners is the right thing to do when none of the other parents are enforcing that with their own children. What. The fuck. Just because he is well mannered does not mean, Mrs Loud Hippie, that your daughter is entitled to HIS trains, which he dutifully followed library protocol to obtain, merely because she prefers them. And you should certainly not be encouraging her to take them.
Goddamn.
This is why I hate people. This is why I do not join playgroups. I am trying to teach Owen to respect personal space and property. And the poor kid is rewarded by being pushed aside and having things forcibly removed from his hands. And I am having to sit on mine, because MY mother taught ME never to smack uppity strangers in the face.
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23 Responses to “hell is other parents”
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March 22nd, 2007 @ 11:53 am
It seems there has to be a playgroup with like-minded ideals. I wonder how the heck you would find it though…Maybe through something like MeetUp?? Or the parenting equivalent? If there’s not such a thing, boy, that could be one heck of a great endeavor to start…Meetup for Mommies…MommyList.com…
But how can you expect those parents to teach their kids good manners when they themselves have terrible ones. Common courtesy is like a lost art.
Keep up the good work with Owen. It will do him so much good in life.
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 12:04 pm
Next time, just go tell that one really bitchy librarian that the kid of the thoughtless parent is taking books out and not putting them back in the correct location. Her wrath will be much more intolerable and shaming than anything you could dish out, trust me.
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 12:40 pm
What’s wrong with talking to the children? I do it all the time. They take a toy from Franklin I stop them, ask them to ask Franklin “with their words” if he was finished with it and then, if Franklin says yes (and he usually does unless it was taken right out of his hands) then I let them go.
If he says no, I tell them that the toy is not ready for them and ask Franklin to tell the child when they can have it. Usually it’s the typical 2 minutes (which ends up being about 1 minute) and then they have it.
I end up taking the role of the preschool teacher but whatever, if the mommies want to talk about their inept husbands, I’ll make sure I’m still parenting my child. Sometimes I think these mothers just don’t know what to do. My lunch hours spent in preschool has taught me how to mediate between kids and I have yet to see a mother tell me to take a step back.
Of course, it’s getting less and less that I need to step in for as he gets older, he can fend for himself.
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 1:38 pm
Ada wrote:
I don’t know why I didn’t think of this; I just expect their parents to do it. But I will try this next time — thank you, Ada.
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 2:21 pm
I was going to suggest what Ada said, and add that we had this same problem with Christopher. I wonder if it’s a first-born phenomenon because we never had the issue with Sophie. If another child tried to take a toy from her, God forbid, she’d go ballistic. She’d scream, “NO TAKE!” and snatch it right back. Boy, did those uppity mothers get involved then! One time, a mom actually told me that Sophie’s behavior was unacceptable and I told her, calmly, that if her child had simply asked for the toy in question, Sophie would have gladly given it. She just wasn’t about to be bullied. That shut her up.
I think later-borns just naturally have to learn how to take care of themselves.
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 3:36 pm
Step 1 - Teach Owen how to identify a thief.
Step 2 - Teach Owen to punch thief in face.
Step 3 - Tell Owen to say, “Please to not be stealing my toys, thank you!”
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 3:50 pm
It’s good to know that someone out there is doing right by their kid! Oh, and I just posted about a kiddie supergroup that every hip mama needs to know about. Thought I’d share if you haven’t heard about it already.
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 6:57 pm
Yeah, you know - I’ve noticed, sometimes if you say something very nicely-though-firmly to the offending child, it kick-starts the parent. They were dreaming of chocolate or margaritas or sleep, and not paying attention, and all of a sudden if they hear you talking to their kid, they realize there was some parenting required. And jump in. Not always, but sometimes.
And we actually taught our 1.75 year old son to say, No, mine! Frankly, it sounds a little rude when he hollers it, but it gives him an outlet so he doesn’t feel powerless AND doesn’t smack the other kid. And again - sometimes the other parent kicks in and realizes it’s time to help junior master the fine but oh-so-difficult art of sharing.
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 7:23 pm
thank you so much for the advice, guys. what I’m realizing is that my own antisocial, inwardly-seething, non-assertive tendencies are probably not helping any, huh? Ha. Ha ha. But now I have something to practice for next time.
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 7:25 pm
Just take comfort in knowing that their kids will end up working in prison chain gangs someday.
Reply to thisMarch 22nd, 2007 @ 8:23 pm
I’m with Snay, maybe a little less on the Michigan Militia.
At school, we try to recognize good behavior in the kids and reward it, but it’s a fine line—dealing with people who ignore the rules and step on people to get what they want is part of life too. Matter of fact, it’s a fucking lot of it. Tough concept to teach. But hell, Owen’s smart. If he has his mother’s sense of nuance and his father’s thirst for occasional creative physical justice (just thought that up, thanks) he’ll catch on quick.
Candace is right about Kid Two not being subject to the same rules. You’re the oldest, I’m the oldest…we get the SHAFT.
Reply to thisMarch 23rd, 2007 @ 6:54 am
I got nothing. But the thought of Kevlar getting up in Owen’s shit is still making me laugh.
Reply to thisMarch 23rd, 2007 @ 8:16 am
I say throw the toys at the rich bitch mothers. You rock! Keep up the good work with Owen.
Reply to thisMarch 23rd, 2007 @ 8:23 am
here’s my issue when things get taken from my Owen: if he doesn’t whine about it, should I? if I make a fuss, does he learn something from that? like property is theft or something?
anyway, which library is this so that i may either avoid it, or go specifically to stir up trouble??
Reply to thisMarch 23rd, 2007 @ 11:24 am
Matt wrote:
you have a way with words, my friend.
TinaC, I wonder the same. If I make a fuss, does he learn to be possessive of things that aren’t, technically, his? Is it antisharing? Or is it standing up for himself? I know he can stand up for himself at school, because we’ve been talking about it (and I’ve seen him in action), but with strangers it’s a little different.
Reply to thisMarch 23rd, 2007 @ 2:49 pm
Just discovered your blog thru The Good Blogs…you may just be my new hero!
Other people’s kids suck.
Love your seamstress abilities, I need to learn (I’m 32 weeks pregnant.)
Reply to thisMarch 23rd, 2007 @ 8:53 pm
ok, granted i don’t have any progeny or whatnot so maybe i am not allowed to say things, but i do know that NOBODY better eff with owen or take shit from his hands. ok? you do NOT fuck around with owen.
or owen the second for that matter.
just putting the entire universe on notice.
and i don’t know how things went from eff to F, but hey. eff happens.
also. i’m off work next friday and fore-tuesday, i was thinking about coming in friday because i wanted to say hi and see you and all that jazz aka ISH. cuz i’m gangsta, son.
and also drunk. word.
Reply to thisMarch 24th, 2007 @ 4:11 pm
It’s not the answer but Charlie throws them at his cousins when they steal his toys. He has great aim.
Reply to thisMarch 26th, 2007 @ 8:09 am
yeah, i’ve seen owen tug-of-war with friends and strangers over certain toys, and not with others. i’ve also seen him be non-plussed by friends or strangers taking toys from his hands. i’m thinking, he knows how to fight to keep a toy from someone trying to take it, and that that kid should be told to wait his turn. funnily, i haven’t seen owen take toys from others (he’s too perfect!) but probably am not noticing.
alternatively, maybe it’s good for boys to get used to having things snatched from their hands by girls.
anyway, probably should consult a book by experts about this. i’m sure it has to do with age as well, in terms of whether the lesson would fall on deaf ears or not…
Reply to thisMarch 26th, 2007 @ 10:52 am
JG wrote:
oh JG. You best be coming in that day.
Kristalyn wrote:
What do you mean that’s not the answer? I think we need to work on Owen’s throwing arm.
Tina C wrote:
I seem to have the same problem with my Owen.
Reply to thisMarch 27th, 2007 @ 3:19 pm
I love smacking uppity strangers, especially when I’m not involved in the actual issue. I’ll do it for you!
Reply to thisMarch 28th, 2007 @ 9:42 am
be my guest, maliavale!
Reply to thisApril 26th, 2007 @ 9:23 pm
I know this conversation happened a month ago (so maybe it’s irrelevant?) but I’m both a librarian AND a mother and I resent some of these ignorant comments! As a mother, I would’ve turned to the mothers of these children and told them that they need to keep a better eye on them. After many years of working with the public, you learn that yelling at children with their parents present does nothing but cause the parents to jump in, get pissed off, complain to the director, and then lo and behold, there goes the unfair stereotype that librarians are bitches!
Reply to thisI don’t think it’s any professional’s responsibility to police other people’s obnoxious kids. Would you ask a pediatrician, in the middle of an appointment, to stop a fight amongst a bunch of toddlers in the waiting room? I don’t think so. It’s all about respect on everyone’s part.